Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Turn Up Your Gaslight Radar. Check for These Twenty Telltale Signs

Gaslighting may not involve all of these experiences or feelings, but if you recognize yourself in any of them, give it extra attention.

1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself.

2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.

3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.

4. You're always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.

5. You wonder frequently if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.

6. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier.

7. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases with your partner in mind, thinking about what he would like instead of what would make you feel great.

8. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.

9. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.

10. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.

11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.

12. You have trouble making simple decisions.

13. You think twice before bringing up certain seemingly innocent topics of conversation.

14. Before your partner comes home, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.

15. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.

16. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don't have to tell him things you're afraid might upset him.

17. You feel as though you can't do anything right.

18. Your kids begin trying to protect you from your partner.

19. You find yourself furious with people you've always gotten along with before.

20. You feel hopeless and joyless.


  1. Oh dear god . . . three years since he's had any say in my life and I still identified with too many of these.

  2. In response to your note, I have also been in a abusive relationship years ago. I am divorced 20 yrs. Today, I am enduring watching my own daughter who is married to a N, go through her own trials. We do not communicate anymore, I guess it was the family or him. She chose him, which I am not surprised. One day she asked me a question, why did I stay with him, and why did I start drinking? I guess I could answer that by, geeze honey, You know, I got real sick emotionally and mentally. But today I am a survivor and I can recognize it too! Since that day, I had to let go of all that stuff by turning her N away along with her and my grandson. I have had some of intrusive thoughts, and a friend gave me a link that shed some light on how I deal with my mind and emotions. Here it is,